Hey dudes, I got some actual hosting, so from now on you can read me over at
I’d just make this site automatically redirect to that one, but apparently WordPress wants money to do that, so screw that plan.
Also, I made a forum with the intent that dudes in our lifestyle can hang out and do the words thing as well as awnser newbro questions and whatnot. I will warn you that my intent with the forums is not to spend the whole time defending my lifestyle. I’m fine doing that, but it can get tiresome, so I’ll be moderating posts like that and we can do that song and dance over on the Eve-O forums instead.
Life as a criminal in Eve Online includes a ton of time spent trying to convince people of things. Often these things are entirely false or against their best interest. To that end, having a couple tools to use for these sorts of situations would not go amiss, so I’d like to offer you some information that has been of use to me.
Firstly, I’d like to talk to you about the steps of the selling process. If you’ve ever had a sales job where anybody gave a shit about your level of success then you’ve probably seen this before, but I’m willing to bet it wasn’t framed in the context of internet spaceships.
Whether you’re looking for a wormhole corp to steal from or a quick safari or starting a Ponzi scheme, you’ve got to find your mark and break the ice. The key pitfall here is approaching someone from an angle where they expect attack. If you convo someone from Jita local trying to sell a ship they’ll smell a scam a mile away. If, however, you happen to start talking to someone in a system where you’re both mining together wonder if a corpmate (even a corpmate in the NPC corp) would be willing to help you get rid of this ship or haul something in exchange for a small fee then you’re much more likely to bypass that natural defense.
Once you’ve determined who you’re going to mess with and what angle you’re going to come in from, it becomes super to make the effort to make a bit of a connection. Some people are weird lizard-brain robots who don’t care for pleasantries in the face of pursuing the almighty isk, but most people are put at ease by a friendly guy. I’m lucky in this respect in that I’m friendly and fairly confident, and I’ve long since learned that I can’t give my confidence in social situations to other people, so I’ll leave that bit to you.
There is one thing that I will say on the subject, though. Some people have trouble being friendly to people they intend to betray. The reason for this is that they immediately view that person as their enemy and that’s the context under which they decide that it’s okay to betray this person and have trouble being friendly to someone they view as an enemy. That view is somewhat incorrect. These people are not your enemy, merely your opponent. They are human beings, just like everyone else, and probably perfectly fine human beings on the surface (although I’m sure you’ll find out how they are under stress shortly). Unless they are immediately and obviously abhorrent you can certainly be friendly and interested in their lives and crack some jokes with them or find out their opinion on something.
This causes the interesting conflict where the truly terrible human beings are the hardest to scam in my experience simply because I can’t tolerate them long enough to complete the deal. I wish it weren’t so, as those are the people I’d most like to scam.
- Needs discovery
In sales the process of needs discovery would be to determine what someone is in the market for, what size of TV they were looking to buy, what their price range is, what they intend to do with the TV (video games vs. movies) and so on. When you’re clearly in a selling position these sorts of questions can be fairly straightforward.
When sizing up a target, the end goal dictates how straightforward you can be with your questioning. If you’re recruiting someone in order to kill them, asking what they’re looking for in a corporation is well within the usual recruiting practice, but if you’re looking to trade some overpriced deadspace modules they you need to find out what your target is interested in. If they’re in the market for some bling for their mission-running legion then it’s going to be nearly impossible to sell them shield tanking mods.
Needs discovery is something that you can go back to several times in this process if required. You may find that the target is ripe for something entirely divorced from the scam you set out to run. If you find yourself in this position it’s helpful to have experience with a couple other scams or possibly be able to hand a target off to someone more suited to their… ‘needs’. (Remember, if someone drops a prospect in your lap, they deserve a very healthy cut of the take.)
The presentation is the part of the process in which you detail what you’d like to offer the target. As you’ve already done your needs discovery, you get to tailor this specifically to the target. In the real world you’re limited by what products you have to sell and have to hope to match up the customer with the product and make it seem appealing, but for scamming in eve online your product is lies, which makes it especially easy to alter to suit.
There are three distinct parts of the presentation: the product itself, the features, and the benefits. They aren’t typically presented separately, so it can be a little tough to distinguish the three parts of the presentation if you’re not looking for it. The product itself is the thing you’re trying to sell. That would be telling your target of the space-guild you’d like him to join or the investment fund he might consider. The features of the product are the properties it possesses. Your space-guild has regular Orca-supported mining ops, for instance, or your investment fund has a return of X% over Y period of time. It’s important to present these, but you need to tie them in with the real meat of the presentation, which is the benefits these features carry.
The benefits are the way in which the features enhance the targets life. Some features don’t require any framing beyond their existence to convey their value as benefits, but most do. If you’re selling an overpriced deadspace mod it becomes poignant to tell them the difference in performance in running missions or whatever they intend to do if they have this mod. If you’re trying to get them to invest in something, the benefit isn’t the money but the freedom to do what they want or the benefit of whatever they mean to buy with the money. People don’t buy sports cars over kias because they’re fast or good looking, they buy them because they enjoy high performance driving or they feel they’ll get prestige from owning one.
- Addressing Concerns
This is the part where the target decides something about what you’ve told him isn’t to his liking. This can happen at any point and this whole process is not in a strictly linear step-by-step process. Your best response here is to know what concerns are going to be common going into the endeavour and have prepared responses for them. I suggest writing them down or, wherever possible, making alleviation of the common concerns part of the product itself.
It’s key here to not get argumentative or look desperate. If either of these thing happen, you’ve already lost your target and at that point you’re just wasting your own time.
If you get caught with a concern you haven’t thought of, it’s okay to work with the target to overcome it. It’s not the best method but at least that way you don’t lose the mark. The phrasing you might use could be something like ‘shit, I didn’t think of that. I wonder how I can fix that.’ Asking the rhetorical question invites the target in to help you solve it, which at the very least lets you learn more about why he has that objection.
- Closing the sale
This is the part where you pull the trigger. There’s actually not much to say on the subject except my personal request that you don’t be a dick simply because you pulled one over on someone. This isn’t Xbox live. On the other hand, if you geniunely dislike the other person, then this is a good opportunity to make them as sad as possible. The same goes if there’s some higher purpose than simply taking their money. If they’re a key part of an enemy organization and you’re hoping to demoralize them, than this is the time to do it.
Also, keep in mind that not every scam will be immediately apparent and there are some schools of thought that you should never admit it was a scam in the effort to try and get the victim to invest more in an attempt to throw good money after bad. This has been somewhat successful for me in the past, even though it’s not my typical habit.
- Follow up
There are two ways to follow up a scam. Firstly, if you don’t admit it’s a scam, you can possibly soak them for more money. A common tactic for the classic goon recruitment scam is to claim that an additional fee came up or that there was a problem. As they’re already invested they’re going to be looking for ways to recoup their losses and you may get a little extra out of them.
The second way to follow up is to mark that person in your contact list as someone with more money than sense and hit them again later with something else on an alt. Or, alternatively, you could hand them off to one of your friends or peers for some other sorts of shenanigans.
Twenty second blurb on neuro-linguistic programming
Neuro-linguistic programming is a huge topic in psychology that has to do with how humans perceive the world and how we can use communication to alter this perception. It’s an art that includes such things as tone and intonation, cadence of speech, non-verbal cue, and so on. For our purposes today it’s a bit beyond our arcs, but there is one part of it I’d like to touch on, and that’s embedded messages.
The most classic embedded message is if someone were to tell you to not think of a pink elephant. Because the elephant has been mentioned, you’re going to think about it. This is an embedded message. Your brain has picked apart what was told to you and examined the parts, therefore implanting the idea of a pink elephant in your brain.
The two ways you want to look to use this are in avoiding it when it would harm you and purposefully including it when it helps you.
A scam can be going fairly smoothly when suddenly the mark gets suspicious and starts digging harder. One of the reasons for this might be that you accidentally included a message for him to think about your deal as a scam. It could have been as straightforward as ‘but this isn’t a scam’ or as oblique as ‘give me the money and I’ll mark you down for this investment.’
It’s therefore important that you pay attention to the phrasing of your scams. I’ve got more to say on this, but it would fit better in an article I’ll be writing soon about influence, so we’ll leave this bit here and pick it up another day.
Including neuro-linguistic programming can be helpful, too. One of the things I try to do when getting into a safari corp is to use language that causes them to envision me as already in the corp. So I’ll say things like ‘once I’m in corp, where will I be moving my stuff?’ While not foolproof, it does help wear down the barrier between you and success and you should try to pepper those in occasionally in ways that don’t seem gratuitous or forced. You can also use this in the conversations beforehand to lay the groundwork for future scams.
A few manipulation techniques
- Controlling the target’s environment
This is typically one for longer and more complex scenarios, but there is something to be said for having some level of control over the information a target gets and who they interact with. This works best in a corp environment, where the people a target interacts with most often can be friends, alts, or people you’ve already influenced. This is something you see happening unintentionally in badly run pubbie corps throughout the game. They have created an environment where bad information gets perpetuated and questioning authority is strongly taboo.
This works best if the target does not realize his various forms of interaction are connected, so posing as a sympathetic but largely unrelated friend can go a long way.
- Creating doubt
A targets worldview is typically a background upon which their other decisions are made. This serves as a stable platform for their rationale in any situation. Creating doubt in their assumptions opens holes in this worldview, leaving their ability to make more rational decisions less reliable. This can be done subtly or directly, and effective forms of doubt to sow include the idea that their friends or CEO have bad intentions for them or that they have been fed bad information about their best practices. Showing someone things to check for in applicant APIs that frequently result in false positives is a good way to have them start doubting these assumptions.
- Create strong emotional responses
It will come to no surprise that people do not make decisions as well when under the influence of strong emotional response. Most emotional responses are of use to us. Anger against an outside force can galvanize your relationship with a target and make him more likely to take action that you can take advantage of if it can be portrayed as against your common enemy. They’re also more likely to trust you if you can place yourself on the same side of a us vs them relationship with your target.
Strong feelings of happiness, like the euphoria after a job well done can cause a target to be more generous, and feelings of belonging can make a person more compliant with the leader or prevailing wishes of a group. This is an idea exploited very well in patriotism.
Finally, winding this beast of an article to a close, I’d like to quickly mention some techniques you can use to convince someone of the validity of your position.
- Establish credibility
In an ideal world, an argument would be completely divorced from its author. This is the reason that we view ad hominem attacks as a logical fallacy. They have nothing to do with the arguement in question. It’s far more accepted to lean the other way, however. Were Stephen Hawking to tell you a controversial scientific theory you would be more likely to believe him than you would be likely to believe on of your jackass friends because science is Stephen Hawking’s super power. By that same token, people accept my advice on criminal behaviour in eve online based largely on my track record as a criminal in eve online.
Aiden Mourn recently pulled this off masterfully when he set up a Ponzi scheme claiming to be an investor in real life, and you can read all about it over here.
Remember, your knowledge or reputation doesn’t have to be real, it just has to be good enough that your target doesn’t know any better.
- Use a positive and tactful tone
People tend to get heated when their assumptions are challenged and, unless that emotional reaction is part of your plan, that can be a huge setback. If your position is logically sound enough to stand up long enough then it’s to your advantage to keep your target civil. Effective ways of descalating situations include using the target’s name at the beginning of scentances (not all of them, it’s weird if you do) and using ‘we’ language when trying to overcome an obstacle. Like instead of “You are you so mad.” try “What’s the problem we need to solve here?” Try not to lay these on too thick, though, or you start to sound like a psychologist.
(Some of you reading this may notice that I put lots of names at the fronts of sentences in regular conversation. It’s not on purpose. I spend a lot of time talking to furious players, so it’s kinda leaked through.)
- Make your presentation clear
This, again, is if your scheme stands up logically and does not require that the target be confused. But the simpler terms you can put your case in, the easier it is to digest and the easier it is to agree with. If a target starts asking himself what the hell is going on here, then your underlying arguement comes into question alongside the clarity of your arguement.
- Appeal to their self interested
Humans are more or less selfish creatures. That breaks down a little bit when you start thinking of them as ‘rational actors’ and observe the ways in which they aren’t, but as a rule of thumb, people are out to get theirs. There’s some variation of this across cultures, with it being more prevalent in North America, slightly less so in Europe and significantly less so in Asia, as a very broad generalization.
What this means, though, is that you can expect players who aren’t strongly in tune with their community or group to be willing to gain for themselves, even at the expense of others and especially if given a chance to do so without those people finding out. As an interesting aside, if they’ve engaged in this behaviour you can probably hold it against them in the future for blackmail, especially if they’re still with the group they betrayed.
- Give the target something
In some selling environments, the customer will be given food. Hot dogs done on a barbeque is a not-uncommon addition to a summer sale at somewhere like a furniture store and there’s a hardware store here in Canada that gives every customer who wants one a bag of popcorn they can eat while wandering through the store. The reason it’s food has to do with slowing down your pace and also forcing to you listen more, as you can’t talk with your mouth full, but being given something at all makes you feel gratitude to the giver, which invokes a natural human response to want to reciprocate.
This leaves the target wanting to do something nice for you to show their appreciation, which makes them more receptive to whatever your scam is.
A cheap ship when they are scrambling to fit something for a roam is a good one, as is help or advice.
- Let them hold the bait
It’s harder to dismiss a potential prize if it’s right in front of you. Placing the prize somewhere your mark can hold it is very powerful for further investment. Say, for instance that you’re running a moongoo reaction chain and your mark is helping and investing. If you let him hold a decent amount of it he’ll very likely be happy to help you further. Keep a very sharp eye that you aren’t being scammed yourself when doing this, and view this sort of thing as an investment in further profit.
Similarly, if a target is hesitant to buy or sell you something, pop open a trade window and put in the item or the isk amount. Obviously don’t hit accept, but it can be very powerful for the target to see his prize right there, one click away. When doing this, remember your sales profit and be sure to mention the benefits of this deal.
Alright, guys, thanks for wading through my wall of text. I have more, but it’ll have to wait for another time. Good luck out there, and I’d love to hear stories of your successes or failures. As always, feel free to contact me if there’s any way I can help.
Hey guys. I was writing up a piece about the use and purpose of corporations, but something landed on my desk that I’ll share instead. The fact of the matter is, despite my efforts to be civilized as possible, I still enjoy the hell out of having the hate gushing out of a victim’s torn jugular sprayed all over me, and I figured I’d share a quick story with some fairly good tears in it.
A good friend of mine had recently essentially stolen a corp. He was made director, stole everything not nailed down and awoxed everything that moved. He couldn’t steal the corp outright due to the way the shares were held, but the CEO hadn’t been on in a week, so he started to use it for reverse safaris. He had a target waiting that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to kill by himself, as he was still in a newbro cormorant, so I came along to provide some muscle and ride on his coattails.
We were chilling out in fleet chatting and waiting for the mark to come back from being AFK at the start of this log that I’ll let you enjoy.
[ 2013.04.09 03:23:47 ] Tali Androg > private chat, mark might show up soon
[ 2013.04.09 03:23:58 ] Psychotic Monk > k
[ 2013.04.09 03:27:38 ] Tali Androg > t minus 3 minutes
[ 2013.04.09 03:27:41 ] Tali Androg > say hi in corp
[ 2013.04.09 03:28:31 ] Larkin Adrasthay > 07
[ 2013.04.09 03:28:40 ] Tali Androg > o7 m8
[ 2013.04.09 03:28:55 ] Tali Androg > warp to us and we can get going, we are at the gate
[ 2013.04.09 03:30:21 ] Tali Androg > buddy, you there?
[ 2013.04.09 03:30:44 ] Larkin Adrasthay > yeah i had docked to accept which i didnt need to apparently
[ 2013.04.09 03:30:49 ] Larkin Adrasthay > comin out of warp
[ 2013.04.09 03:32:07 ] Tali Androg > you can either pay us 250 mil not to kill you, or ject from your shit and we wont pod you
[ 2013.04.09 03:32:15 ] Psychotic Monk > Hi!
[ 2013.04.09 03:34:11 ] Tali Androg > larkin buddy
[ 2013.04.09 03:34:15 ] Tali Androg > im gonna need youto respond here
[ 2013.04.09 03:34:20 ] Tali Androg > i dont want to kill you
[ 2013.04.09 03:34:22 ] Tali Androg > but i will
[ 2013.04.09 03:34:23 ] Psychotic Monk > I do.
[ 2013.04.09 03:34:36 ] Tali Androg > monk is a different story
[ 2013.04.09 03:34:49 ] Larkin Adrasthay > i dont have 250 mil on this toon so
[ 2013.04.09 03:34:53 ] Tali Androg > We MAY let you get away scot free if you vote for my pal Psychotic Monk for csm
[ 2013.04.09 03:34:58 ] Tali Androg > Where do you have the 250 ?
[ 2013.04.09 03:35:08 ] Larkin Adrasthay > i dont have it its in assets
[ 2013.04.09 03:35:14 ] Tali Androg > contract them to me
[ 2013.04.09 03:35:22 ] Larkin Adrasthay > theyre in 0.0
[ 2013.04.09 03:35:31 ] Tali Androg > or eject from your ship and you wont get podded
[ 2013.04.09 03:35:32 ] Psychotic Monk > That does us no good, then.
[ 2013.04.09 03:35:47 ] Tali Androg > which is more valuable to you
[ 2013.04.09 03:35:50 ] Tali Androg > the ship or the pod
[ 2013.04.09 03:35:54 ] Larkin Adrasthay > 100 mil is all i have
[ 2013.04.09 03:36:00 ] Tali Androg > or MAYBE you have forgot to upgrade the clone?
[ 2013.04.09 03:36:16 ] Tali Androg > got an up to date clone there?
[ 2013.04.09 03:36:48 ] Tali Androg > 100m will suffice larkin
[ 2013.04.09 03:37:03 ] Larkin Adrasthay > youll blow up the ship anyway
[ 2013.04.09 03:37:19 ] Psychotic Monk > If we did it’d ruin our rep and we wouldn’t get ransoms anymore.
[ 2013.04.09 03:37:23 ] Tali Androg > you have our word as honorable pirates
[ 2013.04.09 03:38:03 ] Tali Androg > better act quick
[ 2013.04.09 03:38:17 ] Psychotic Monk > http://community.eveonline.com/community/csm/vote/
[ 2013.04.09 03:38:22 ] Psychotic Monk > Or you can vote for me for CSM.
[ 2013.04.09 03:38:28 ] Larkin Adrasthay > ill vote for you
[ 2013.04.09 03:38:40 ] Psychotic Monk > I’ll need a screenshot of the voting complete screen after.
[ 2013.04.09 03:38:49 ] Larkin Adrasthay > or convince me you wont blow the raven after i give u the 100m
[ 2013.04.09 03:38:57 ] Larkin Adrasthay > ok
[ 2013.04.09 03:39:00 ] Tali Androg > you may as well just vote
[ 2013.04.09 03:39:08 ] Larkin Adrasthay > i will
[ 2013.04.09 03:39:17 ] Larkin Adrasthay > darn thugs
[ 2013.04.09 03:39:37 ] Psychotic Monk > We already told you we won’t kill your boat after. We wouldn’t get future ransoms if we did.
[ 2013.04.09 03:39:58 ] Tali Androg > our rep would be ruined
[ 2013.04.09 03:40:09 ] Larkin Adrasthay > if you dont blow it you’ll get 2 votes
[ 2013.04.09 03:40:16 ] Larkin Adrasthay > one from my acccount in whyso
[ 2013.04.09 03:40:52 ] Tali Androg > the only scenario in which we dont blow up your ship is 1. you eject and fly away in pod 2. you pay us 100m
[ 2013.04.09 03:41:09 ] Psychotic Monk > 3. Vote for me.
[ 2013.04.09 03:41:19 ] Tali Androg > ^
[ 2013.04.09 03:42:10 ] Larkin Adrasthay > what proof do you want? a screenshot on vote screen?
[ 2013.04.09 03:42:25 ] Tali Androg > thats good
[ 2013.04.09 03:42:33 ] Psychotic Monk > It gives you a ‘successfully voted’ screen.
[ 2013.04.09 03:42:38 ] Psychotic Monk > I want a cap of that.
[ 2013.04.09 03:43:03 ] Larkin Adrasthay > lemme upload it
[ 2013.04.09 03:43:04 ] Larkin Adrasthay > sec
[ 2013.04.09 03:43:11 ] Tali Androg > imgur
[ 2013.04.09 03:43:15 ] Tali Androg > no photobucket bullshit
[ 2013.04.09 03:46:26 ] Larkin Adrasthay > http://i.imgur.com/6e7QROR.jpg
[ 2013.04.09 03:46:42 ] Larkin Adrasthay > the submitted screen doesnt show who you voted for but i will link that too
[ 2013.04.09 03:47:00 ] Psychotic Monk > Please do.
[ 2013.04.09 03:48:27 ] Larkin Adrasthay > http://i.imgur.com/UL0yaB4.jpg
[ 2013.04.09 03:48:54 ] Psychotic Monk > Wonderful. I’m satisfied. Tali, you happy?
[ 2013.04.09 03:49:08 ] Tali Androg > i reallly really really would like 100m or an eject from the raven
[ 2013.04.09 03:49:14 ] Psychotic Monk > Fair enough.
[ 2013.04.09 03:49:36 ] Tali Androg > larkin? any objections?
[ 2013.04.09 03:49:39 ] Larkin Adrasthay > those weren’t the terms
[ 2013.04.09 03:49:52 ] Tali Androg > the terms have changed
[ 2013.04.09 03:50:35 ] Tali Androg > ill keep shooting till you die unless my wallet flashes with 100m, or you eject
[ 2013.04.09 03:50:43 ] Tali Androg > there is no countdown
[ 2013.04.09 03:50:46 ] Tali Androg > when you die thats the end
[ 2013.04.09 03:50:46 ] Larkin Adrasthay > ill give u whats on this character right now. 46 mil. that is a good bounty for some pirates.. i dont have the time for anything else
[ 2013.04.09 03:50:52 ] Tali Androg > okay thats fine
[ 2013.04.09 03:50:58 ] Tali Androg > wont stop shooting till then
[ 2013.04.09 03:51:03 ] Larkin Adrasthay > to who?
[ 2013.04.09 03:51:07 ] Tali Androg > me
[ 2013.04.09 03:51:38 ] Larkin Adrasthay > now disengage
[ 2013.04.09 03:51:41 ] Tali Androg > okay monk, blap him
[ 2013.04.09 03:51:53 ] Psychotic Monk > Get ready for the pod.
[ 2013.04.09 03:52:06 ] Larkin Adrasthay > i dont think so
[ 2013.04.09 03:52:21 ] Tali Androg > Good doing business with you
[ 2013.04.09 03:52:28 ] Larkin Adrasthay > watch your back
So I got a vote (maybe, there’s no way to be sure who he voted for) and my newbro friend got 46m, which should keep him in destroyers for a little while at least. And, to top it off, we got some vague threats!
He left fleet at that point, but we continued the conversation in corp chat, wondering a bit about that threat.
[ 2013.04.09 03:54:20 ] Larkin Adrasthay > tali pretty new character
[ 2013.04.09 03:54:23 ] Larkin Adrasthay > id watch out bro
[ 2013.04.09 03:54:39 ] Tali Androg > dont forget
[ 2013.04.09 03:54:44 ] Tali Androg > Monk for CSM
[ 2013.04.09 03:54:46 ] Tali Androg > and why watch out
[ 2013.04.09 03:54:48 ] Tali Androg > ?
[ 2013.04.09 03:55:12 ] Psychotic Monk > Yeah, why would we watch out? Are you going to… do… something?
[ 2013.04.09 03:58:45 ] Larkin Adrasthay > so your killboard must look awesome with a bunch of your own corpmates on it
[ 2013.04.09 03:59:25 ] Psychotic Monk > I guess. I’m not really super concerned about such e-honour bullshit.
[ 2013.04.09 03:59:38 ] Larkin Adrasthay > ah forgot… you’re not honorable are you
[ 2013.04.09 03:59:49 ] Psychotic Monk > Not in Eve Online I’m not.
[ 2013.04.09 04:01:03 ] Larkin Adrasthay > bro.. you’re nothing special or even any good.. ive flown with so much better and more competent than you.. so have a nice day… it was an obsolete raven anyways
Evidently he didn’t want that Raven in the first place. I really wish people would just give me any ships they didn’t want. I’d be sure to find a use for them. I also got to learn about how I was incompetent, which is always nice for me.
We gave him a role in case we got a chance of a repeat performance and called it a night. This afternoon I checked my mail to find the following in my inbox:
edit: I can’t seem to make this a reasonable size. I could probably google it, but I’m lazy. Click it, it’s good.
Some of the work I love most is getting new people into my lifestyle and showcasing what it’s all about. That’s one of the major reasons I write this blog, after all. So when I saw Mike Foster, writer for Massively, streaming his attempt to go mining in lowsec, I felt I had to give his viewers a taste of something better. So I contacted him about streaming some grief. He agreed.
I made sure he was in an appropriate boat and I laid the groundwork, choosing a corp for him to infiltrate that had lax recruitment policies and also had something in space to shoot that exact second. The only hiccup was that it was on a highsec island, so we might waste time by getting popped on the way there.
The logi support I brought did indeed get caught by a small gatecamp on the way there and I lost 15m in the form of an Osprey, but thankfully my brother-in-arms and hero of the New Order Wescro stepped up and delivered us some reps.
I’ll let you check out the video of the event and then I’ll break it down from my perspective. (If the sound doesn’t work just hit refresh. I don’t know why it’s doing that.)
So he didn’t want me on comms for this. The reason he gave me was that too many voices would probably be confusing, but I’m sure it was more likely that he didn’t want an unknown quantity who may be a mouth-breather or might resort to calling people ‘fags’ in the heat of the moment on the stream of a mainstream gaming media company. That’s fine, but it did make our life a bit more difficult.
He landed in the mining op and pointed, as we had discussed earlier, an Orca and a Hulk. He didn’t notice the Obelisk sitting beside him and that’s when I decided to bring in my backup shooter to help him out and make sure that Obelisk didn’t get away.
With the Hulk down, we moved on to the Orca. We offered a ransom, but the Orca pilot didn’t seem interested in paying, so we painfully and slowly wore the Orca down before snatching it from the sky.
I started working on the Obelisk while typing at him that he should help me kill the thing. I’m told streaming takes some amount of concentration, so I don’t blame him for being a bit slow to catch on, but he eventually… targetted Wescro’s osprey.
I was watching the stream at this point and frantically telling him that he had the wrong ship targeted, but he didn’t seem to catch it, turned off his safety and shot Wescro, causing some amount of Concord interest in our operation. As Wes had his safeties set to red as well, he caught some police interest from repping the now-criminal that was shooting him.
That left just me on the field by myself, trying to kill the freighter. I had just gotten him into structure when a drake landed and, as I no longer had any support, squashed my cormorant like a bug.
Still, though, 20m in losses and about 1b killed is a victory, so I’ll take it.
I sat my pod in a safespot as I went to do other things with my day, as I often do. My reasoning is that if I lose it I don’t especially care and sometimes I get to use that opportunity to do something else excellent, which it turned out was the case today.
So, after playing on some other characters and eating a meal, I checked this character to find he was still alive. Idly, I checked dscan only to see… another mining op.
Full of self-named ships.
Of valid targets.
With a rush that’s was characterized by a sudden dialtion of the pupils, increased heart rate and a sudden and uncontrollable grin, I called out to the Undesirables to see if anyone could help me with a quick spot of logi and I started working to deliver myself another ship.
In about twenty minutes it all came together, with the overly-sufficient number of four logi coming to help my destroyer kill a mining up. I warped in and, sure enough, there was a mining op, including the freighter we had failed to kill earlier and a brand new Orca piloted by the exact same person whose Orca we had killed not four hours earlier.
With glee I mashed at the keyboard and mouse until I had the Orca and the Freighter pointed and got to work.
And then, ever so slowly (seriously, it took way longer than usual), I crushed the freighter into a cube.
While they had talked somewhat of mustering a defence fleet, it never arrived and all my logi support was unnecessary. There was a bit of bluster and crying, but I neglected to save it at the time and it was somewhat mediocre, so I’ll just leave you with the video and the killmails to keep you company instead.
Interesting post-script: The freighter was named after the pilot who had just lost the two Orcas, implying that the freighter was his alt, or the it was his freighter but on loan to a corpmate. Neat how stuff like that works out, huh?
If you spend any significant time in the recruitment channel you’ve probably seen me there. I keep tabs on it because it’s a huge source of targets for me, and I enjoy occasionally trolling people by asking if anyone has a large highsec guild I can join. I fairly frequently get convoed by goons trying to recruitment scam me. If I’m in a playful mood I’ll string them along for as long as I can and get some joy out of their wasted time. This time I hit on something a little more fun.
I was convoed and jumped ahead a bunch of steps, pretending to be eager to join up, and threw in an app without jumping through any of the usual hoops. I was fairly quickly rejected, and noticed that it was a name that I recognized that rejected me. So I told my friendly recruiter that I’d convo the guy who rejected me, at which point he instantly dropped convo.
Have the following conversation between me and DaiTengu (and also some entirely random goon.)
[03:33:13] Psychotic Monk > Hi!
[03:33:19] Psychotic Monk > o7 m8
[03:33:20] DaiTengu > greetings
[03:33:40] Psychotic Monk > Your recruiter told me to apply. May I ask why I was rejected? I have many SPs.
[03:33:47] Psychotic Monk > 74 millions of the SPs.
[03:34:07] DaiTengu > did you pay the security deposit?
[03:35:13] Psychotic Monk > The security deposit is renowned as a scam. I have 74 million of the SPs. I was actually hoping to get a recruitment fee.
[03:35:41] Psychotic Monk > I told him I was in convo with you and he left conversation.
[03:35:46] Psychotic Monk > Maybe he just disconnected.
[03:36:13] DaiTengu > what was his name?
[03:36:17] Psychotic Monk > <url=showinfo:1373//92980993>Risken42</url>
[03:37:52] Psychotic Monk > Is he okay? Maybe he tripped and broke his neck and pulled out his ethernet cord while doing so?
[03:37:59] Psychotic Monk > Could you check for me? I’m worried.
[03:38:28] DaiTengu > You must pay the 500m isk application fee before I can process your application. In your case it’s 1b ISK due to your corp history being as long as <insert dick joke here>
[03:40:01] Psychotic Monk > I assure you I’m not a safety risk. You can check my medals, they’ll tell you.
[03:41:12] DaiTengu > “This polayer<sic> is a known and confirmed Awoxer”
[03:41:17] DaiTengu > 2b
[03:41:42] Psychotic Monk > Yes. I’m not sure if you’re familiar, but Awoxer means trustworthy man of distinction.
[03:42:07] Psychotic Monk > After the famous Greek judge Awoxiclese.
[03:42:38] DaiTengu > Oh well in that case, 3b.
[03:43:18] Psychotic Monk > That’s my recruitment bonus? That’s very generous of you.
[03:43:30] DaiTengu > your recruitment fee is now 5b
[03:43:32] Psychotic Monk > Have we determined if the previous fellow tripped and broke his neck?
[03:43:43] DaiTengu > he has. you should feel bad about yourself.
[03:43:50] Psychotic Monk > <url=showinfo:1379//92980993>Risken42</url> !
[03:43:54] DaiTengu > he is now paralyzed
[03:44:00] Psychotic Monk > We were worried you tripped and broke your neck!
[03:44:02] DaiTengu > and operates his keyboard with a straw
[03:44:16] Risken42 > what
[03:44:17] Psychotic Monk > Are you okay?
[03:44:25] Psychotic Monk > You dissapeared rather suddenly
[03:45:05] Risken42 > Oh sorry, my headphone cord got wrapped around my gaming fanny pack
[03:45:12] Risken42 > nearly died
[03:45:32] Psychotic Monk > But you’re okay now?
[03:45:32] DaiTengu > I told him that your neck is now broken and you operate your keyboard with a drinking straw.
[03:45:54] Risken42 > I am now typing with a straw, yes
[03:46:16] DaiTengu > anyway, recruitment fee is 5b, payable to Risken42. This offer is good for 10 more minutes, at which time it doubles.
[03:46:17] Psychotic Monk > Well, at least you’ve acclimatized to your new condition quickly.
[03:46:42] Psychotic Monk > That’s a very generous recruitment bonus, but I don’t really need that. I have enough.
[03:47:00] DaiTengu > You are really bad at this, but I have had enough fun now.
[03:47:04] DaiTengu > So long!
[03:47:19] Risken42 > <3
[03:47:22] Psychotic Monk > ♥
I’ve been wildly neglecting my wars lately. I spent a couple days out of corp and before that I’d been having terrible luck with wartargets dropping corp or logging out just as I’d gone 26j to get to them. I had a bit of a change of pace for a bit and Floppie kept up the pressure on wartargets and I was ready to get back to pulling my weight. So when Floppie called eyes on a mining op, I grabbed a Talos, threw an app in to Skunkworks, and got moving.
The new corp application system means that I don’t have to be logged on to the CEO to accept myself, which is awesome. So, having arrived, we hatched a plan. Floppie would sit on the gate and I’d hit the nearest station, which was less than 1 AU from the mining op. Being able to get into position without being in the corp was a nice treat, so we decided to make the best of it.
Then, in a display of coordination only evident in the drunkest of foozball teams, I accepted myself, undocked and warped to the op while Floppie came in system and made the 20-odd AU warp. I landed and pointed the Orca and he landed moments behind me, pointing two Covetors while I blapped a third.
Each of these was fit for pure yield, which makes me sad. And they weren’t even aligning when we landed. If only there were some kind of organization doing the best they can to encourage miners to actively play the game and pay attention to their surroundings, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
In any case, started murdering the Orca, pausing once he was in one-quarter structure to have the following conversation.
[06:51:57] Psychotic Monk > Hey.
[06:51:58] Rachel Morrigan > yes
[06:52:03] Rachel Morrigan > can u stop
[06:52:06] Psychotic Monk > Wanna pay to live?
[06:52:11] Rachel Morrigan > yes
[06:52:23] Psychotic Monk > 400m
[06:52:34] Psychotic Monk > Ten seconds.
[06:52:35] Rachel Morrigan > i dont have that
[06:52:38] Rachel Morrigan > 100mil
[06:52:42] Psychotic Monk > Okay.
[06:52:45] Psychotic Monk > Go fast.
[06:52:46] Psychotic Monk > 10
[06:52:48] Psychotic Monk > 9
[06:52:50] Psychotic Monk > 8
[06:52:53] Psychotic Monk > 7
[06:52:55] Psychotic Monk > 6
[06:52:58] Psychotic Monk > 5
[06:53:08] Rachel Morrigan > plz stop
[06:53:25] Psychotic Monk > Okay, now the rest of if. That leaves only 300m.
[06:53:34] Rachel Morrigan > i dont have that
[06:53:40] Psychotic Monk > Do your friends?
[06:53:44] Rachel Morrigan > no
[06:53:46] Psychotic Monk > We’ll also accept assets.
[06:53:54] Rachel Morrigan > like wat
[06:54:01] Psychotic Monk > Anything worth money.
[06:54:25] Rachel Morrigan > wat about a bpo
[06:54:29] Psychotic Monk > Ships, ore, implants, anything.
[06:54:41] Rachel Morrigan > i can make taloses
[06:54:53] Psychotic Monk > Are they made?
[06:55:05] Rachel Morrigan > no but my word is my bond
[06:55:11] Psychotic Monk > Not to me it isn’t.
[06:55:17] Psychotic Monk > 10 seconds to make me a good offer.
[06:55:21] Rachel Morrigan > then i can give u the bpo
[06:55:33] Rachel Morrigan > its worth 600mil
[06:55:34] Psychotic Monk > Okay. Contract it.
[06:55:43] Rachel Morrigan > let me go to it
[06:55:50] Psychotic Monk > Contract it to me.
[06:55:53] Rachel Morrigan > its in a different station
[06:56:01] Psychotic Monk > You can contract from anywhere.
[06:56:06] Psychotic Monk > Open your assets tab.
[06:56:08] Psychotic Monk > Do it from there.
[06:56:11] Rachel Morrigan > give me a minute
[06:56:24] Psychotic Monk > 30 seconds.
[06:56:37] Psychotic Monk > 25
[06:56:45] Psychotic Monk > 20
[06:56:54] Psychotic Monk > 15
[06:57:06] Psychotic Monk > 10 seconds. You doing this?
[06:57:21] Psychotic Monk > 9
[06:57:26] Psychotic Monk > 8
[06:57:28] Rachel Morrigan > i have never done this give me some time
[06:57:51] Psychotic Monk > I’m going to take your shield back down a bit. Don’t be alarmed.
[06:58:17] Rachel Morrigan > its done
[06:58:43] Psychotic Monk > SUDDENLY BETRAYAL!
[06:58:50] Rachel Morrigan > asswipe
That’s right, we got 100m and a Talos BPO. And the killmail.
Some days it feels really good to be a gangster.
Does anyone want to buy a Talos BPO?
Just a quick note, for those of you who are lucky enough to not have to deal with family on Easter Sunday, my friend Arden and I will be taking out a MANroam. That’s right. Bring your hull tanks. Shitfits also gleefully accepted. I’d love to see a laser Hurricane.
We’ll be leaving from Jita at 2100 eve time on Sunday. Have your manliest ship ready. I may be bringing a Navy Mega or possibly a Fleet Phoon. Make sure you’re not wearing expensive implants, because I intend to get hotdropped by 30,000 drakes and die.
This will be open to anybody and everybody, so if you’re a spy please come along, as I want people to actually fight us.