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This game is the absolute worst, except for every other game

by on December 31, 2012

About three or four monthes ago Skunkworks quit EvE. It was becoming clear to us that CCP doesn’t want our kind in this game. We’ve been catching nothing but nerfs for at least a year and a half and the closest thing highsec scoundrels have gotten to a buff is when they unfucked blasters and gave us tier 3 battlecruisers. And that only helped suicide gankers.


I won’t go into the big list of things that kept getting piled onto us just now but we began to get really sick of feeling like we lived in a Harrison Beregeron world where every time someone came up with something clever they got smacked directly on the penis and told that we must be nerfed for the good of humanity. So we quit.


We looked high and low for a game that let us stretch our legs. It had to be something complex, is had to have loss, and it had to be something that relied more on intellect than on twitch reflexes. Compared to FPS players, we’re old, after all.


We found there wasn’t any such game.


We were stoked to try Darkfall 2.0, and let ourselves get really excited about it, but it got delayed. Twice.


So we tried EvE again once retribution dropped. Our intent was to burn down all our assets doing stupid shit and hope that eve caught our attention before we finished. To our collective shock, it did.


In the weeks since then we’ve been mostly doing safaris and flipping cans. We’ve hooked up with several of our favourite peers in the profession of belligerent undesirable and there’s a steady stream of action.


Eve hasn’t properly regained us as players, and we’re still keeping eyes out for anything better, but we’re here for now. We’re treating this like a mildly crappy relationship. We’d love to leave, but there’s no better options on the table and we’re occasionally getting laid.


So with re-introduction complete, let me tell you about my favorite kill this month.


I was safari’d into a corp called Black Star on an alt. As usual, they made the mistake of recruiting me without looking at my extensive corp history or filthy killboard. And sure as the sun rising in the east, I punished them for it. I waited 48 hours before I murdered whatever miners I could get my hands on, simply because that’s what was available and I try not to spend more than 2 days in a corp waiting for a target. I killed a Hulk and a Retriever and saw the telltale marks of a corp that was going to try and come after to me to extract revenge. So I paced up and down the belt in my shitty safari Drake and waited.


My good friend Rareden was in the neighbourhood with nothing else to do, and so decided to just show up and see if there was some way he could get involved.


Eventually they got what I’ll laughably call a gang together and came and murdered me. They brought a Drake, a Naga, a Scorpion and two dessies to kill me. If not for the jams I’m sure I would have been able to kill at least the Naga and maybe the Drake, but it wasn’t to be. My Drake can rest in peace knowing that it has murdered many times it’s own value in carebears over the six or so monthes I’ve flown it.


Rareden, however, wasn’t satisfied with my death and, thinking quickly, flipped a wreck that was sitting in the belt as I was getting pushed down by the peasantry and stabbed in the eyeballs. My victims, clearly very excited to be engaging in pvp, obliged Rareden’s want to get involved by shooting him. Rareden, being the incredibly engine of destruction that he is, picked them up by their shirt collars and dropped them straight into the industrial grinding machine that is a dual-ancil Navy Domi. The only thing that escaped the grinding of his many rows of iron teeth was the Naga.


Checking the loot we discovered about 900m in drops off the Drake, and we’re pleased to show you this most delightful misuse of isk!


Also, have the tears that came with it!


Enjoy those and I hope to see you back here so I can tell you about the Macharial Arden helped me kill and some of the other delicious tears I’ve gotten since we’ve been back.


-Psychotic Monk

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