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In which a trial account murders 2.3b worth.

by on February 8, 2013

Last week I had a war with a corp called Zombie Enterprises. It had initially looked like it was going to be a good war, as I had seen at least eight dudes on during my prime time and saw some evidence of t3’s, Orcas, and other favorite targets.

Alas, they were terrible war targets, as apparently none of them ever wanted to be in space and doing things, so I let the war drop after the first week. However, I did have a spy in there and, as I had nothing better to do with the guy after the war ended, I kept him in for the time being.

So yesterday Skjordr Longfang, a member of my favorite group of people in eve mentioned he was about to safari a corp I had just been at war with and it turned out to be Zombies! He was using an actual literal trial account for this job so several of us who were bored went to support his worthy project.

The target was meant to be a mining op that never quite properly materialized. The Orca pilot (also CEO of the corp) was apparently quite busy doing something on another account, but Skjord convinced him to park his Orca on the station and hand out boosts, at least. The tragedy of this, though, is that if our man started shooting the Orca, he’d just dock up. So we got to work with bump ships and eventually the moshpit-like motion started steering him in the direction we wanted.

About then he noticed the bumps and docked up, to which there was collective booing. And then he undocked again, to our collective cheering! Getting spit out of the undock put him in a much better position for bumps and it wasn’t long before we had him 30km off the undock ring. He was trying to warp, but we kept him out of alignment until the trusty catalyst could get over and point him. From there, it was just a matter of time, and it wasn’t long until Binary Zombie lost his Orca.

[ 2013.02.08 01:15:52 ] Psychotic Monk > Kill: Binary Zombie (Orca)

[ 2013.02.08 01:16:19 ] Tah’ris Khlador > awww muffin. Stabbed and everything.

[ 2013.02.08 01:16:37 ] Tah’ris Khlador > XL ASB orca? Wtf?

[ 2013.02.08 01:19:12 ] La Nariz > On the bright side that highsec miner now does not have a bounty.

[ 2013.02.08 01:19:18 ] Tah’ris Khlador > lol

[ 2013.02.08 01:19:30 ] Tah’ris Khlador > Fixed that.

[ 2013.02.08 01:19:33 ] Tah’ris Khlador > bounty replaced.

[ 2013.02.08 01:19:44 ] La Nariz > Aww I bet he was happy for a moment too.

Of course, the victim didn’t want that Orca anyways.

[01:22:24] Binary Zombie > i’m mad but insurance pays better than the cost to make one of those

While he’d been killing the Orca, our hero caught wind of a Hulk mining in a belt, and so as soon as the Orca was finished he landed on the Hulk and made short work of it. The extra bonus is that since the guy was AFK (which is a terrible mechanic, by the way) he managed to grab the guys pod as well.

At this point, the total damage was about 1.1b. Or, if you prefer, about $30.

Not bad for a ship worth 1.6m. Or, if you prefer, about 4 cents.

I smelled more kills and more rage, though. We knew that the CEO had a proteus and I spent some time in convo with the CEO trying to convince him to take revenge. Eventually he agreed.

[01:29:08] Binary Zombie > ok war party for the corpie truned trader. if your not in you should leave

I promised him reps with my Osprey and pretended to d-scan the dude out. I told him the planet and moon I saw him on and asked for a fleet warp.

Of course, a fleet warp puts both of us directly on the warp-in, which in this case was at 0 on the cata. At this point, Skjord had just his own alt repping him in an Osprey. I provided reps to the Proteus and they were at a stalemate. So, since I was pretending to be a noob, I got Skjord to switch to my Osprey and kill it. That went exceedingly well and I pretended to slink off to the nearest trade hub to fit another ship.

Multiboxing, Zombie brings in a rail Talos to help, but as it’s kiting out as 40-odd km, killing it just isn’t in the cards. The proteus is slow going, so one of the other belligerent undesirables who is hearing about this as it’s happening convoes Zombie and says that he has reps in system and will rep the dude for 250m.

Zombie immediately agrees.

Of course, those reps don’t exist.

Very slowly, and with great pain, like pulling off a scab, Skjord kills the proteus.

It turns out that Zombie had somehow found an arrangement of subsystems that left the proteus with only two mid slots. Also, he thought rails was a good idea.

Zombie had, up until this point, been keeping his cool in public for the most part. This was apparently the last straw for him.

[ 2013.02.08 02:09:10 ] Widget Zombie > GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CORP NOW

[ 2013.02.08 02:09:41 ] Widget Zombie > WE HAVE LOST TOO MUCH TO YOU YOU MUTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE

[ 2013.02.08 02:10:44 ] Jengir Asques > o.0

And then, to follow his verbal outburst, he kicks roughly 40 of the 60 members his corp had. That includes everyone online except my spy. He likes me because I lost a ship trying to help him kill a traitor, you’ll remember.

[ 2013.02.08 02:22:25 ] Jengir Asques > Why did you boot everyone else?

[ 2013.02.08 02:22:58 ] Loki Yuri > What?

[ 2013.02.08 02:25:23 ] Widget Zombie > Because I dont like them

In any case, enjoy the unabridged chat logs.

Remember, kiddies, having a corp is a privilege, not a right.


I logged on today to find fresh pod-losses for all three of the Zombie characters.  I guess they were APing and Pod-Repo, those heroes of -10, popped them for about 636m in damage.  Also, apparently one of those clones wasn’t up to date, but I can’t really get firm numbers on how much SP was lost.

I absolutely love that this sort of work is growing common enough that I’m randomly getting little suprises like this.  I heart all belligerent undesirables throughout highsec and beyond.

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